I write you today from my side of the Rainbow Bridge. A place I stood a year ago today with great sadness. Even a year later it hurts as much as it did that sad, sad day when I helped you cross the bridge. It was the saddest day of my life. I would do anything to have you back in my life.
For 22 years you were there beside me, through good times and bad, happy and sad, lean and financially stable, boyfriends and breakups, you were the quiet, loving presence beside me. When you got sick you were stalwart and through five years of medications and sub-q fluids you never complained but took it all in stride. I think you know that we did what we could to not only keep you alive but give you a good quality and happy life. To say it has been hard without you would be an understatement. At times I wondered how I would get through each event without your constant presence because you had faithfully sat by me through each change in my life for so long.
Good things happened like we finally got our mortgage modified -- Mel will always have a stable home. Missy and Bogie came into our lives -- Mel isn't too fond of Missy -- even with some of your traits, she isn't you. And Bogie, he's a feral and while he's come a long way, he still runs from people. At least he has a home where he is safe and has plenty of food, water and love.
And not so good things happened -- in September last year the doctors found a blood clot in my leg and a pulmonary embolism. If I hadn't dreamt of you that September morning I would never have gone to the hospital. While if I had not gone I would have crossed the bridge to be with you, Mel, Missy and Bogie would not have their mommy. There was no doubt you looked out for me across the bridge from there to here.
A car accident, the end of the furloughs at work, new friends, good times with old ones, betrayals from other -- it would have all been easier and better if you were still here. New book contracts, one that will star you soon, new stories on the horizon.
Changes at work making it better -- no drama these days and it's good, so much better. I work with a number of cat people and you know how special we are.
But still, life without you just isn't the same. There is still a huge hole in my heart that can't be filled. I miss you baby girl and not a day goes by I don't with I could hold you one more time. Thank you for the gift of your time in my life; thank you for saving mine last year. Sleep well little Princess. Mommy will always love you.
